You Helped Save Me From Myself
by Onyx-Of-Octavia
Summary: Nightmares plague both Newt and Thomas, but they find peace when talking to each other.


"Now let's get to the list, the following are not immune," Janson began listing off names, pausing between each so he could watch the reaction of the person with a sick, twisted look of pleasure on his face. It wasn't a long list by nay means, but for Thomas it felt like the longest list in the world.

"And finally, Newt. Congratulations, the rest of you are immune,"

Thomas woke with start, his heart racing breath coming in short gasps, but happy that he woke when he did because the rest of that nightmare was even worse than that. He looked over to the body next to him and sighed in relief. Newt was curled up beside him sleeping peacefully, his sandy blond hair was splayed out I every direction and there were no signs of infection anywhere on his body.

"Mmmm, Tommy," Newt mumbled in his sleep.

Thomas smiled and ran his fingers through the British boy's hair, pushing it out of face. Newt's face scrunched up as hair tickled his nose and then he curled up more, wrapping his arms around Thomas' waist pulling him closer. Thomas smiled even brighter and placed a loving a kiss on his boyfriends temple before drifting back into sleep, if only for a short while.

The next time Thomas woke up was to Newt's screaming and thrashing. Thomas quickly sat up and grabbed Newt's arms to stop the sleeping boy from hurting himself or Thomas. It was obvious Newt was having a nightmare, most likely another flashback or memory from when he had been infected with the Flare. Newt seemed to have this same nightmare every couple of nights since he had been cured.

"Newt!" Thomas yelled, "Newt! Open your eyes! You're okay, I'm okay, I'm right here! Please Newt! Please open you're eyes!"

A short moment later Newt's chocolate brown eyes snapped open, tears that had held back now flowed freely down his cheeks. He looked at Thomas and let out a choked sob. Thomas released his grip on the blond's arms and pulled him into a tight hug. Newt returned the embrace and cried into the dark haired boy's chest, just releasing his vulnerability onto Thomas.

"Shh, shh, it's okay, it's okay. I'm here. I'll always be here. I will always keep you safe. You are cured, that disease can never touch now. Shh, shh, it was just a bad dream," Thomas whispered into Newt's ear while rubbing circles in the crying boy's back. Eventually Newt's sobs lessened before turning into soft hiccups, but his hold on Thomas never let up, it was almost like Newt though Thomas would disappear if he let go.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Thomas asked after Newt's breathing had stabled out.

At that Newt pulled away slightly, but still not fully letting go,and wiped his nose on his sleeve. Thomas smiled gently at his boyfriend, he looked so adorable yet broke all at the same time. Even with his eyes all red and puffy and his nose all red and sniffly he still managed to make Thomas' breath catch in his throat. To be fair there was a moment when Thomas didn't think Newt was adorable or beautiful, or perfect in every possible way. He loved how no matter what Newt's hair always looked perfect, and how his eyes would light up with joy when he laughed, or how they would spark mischievously when he was feeling playful or frisky, but his favorite look was when Newt's eyes were filled with love, because he knew that look was reserved just for him.

"Yes and no," came the quiet reply that brought Thomas back to reality.

"I'll tell you about my dream first, then if you want you can tell me about yours, if you want , but you don't have to, okay?" Thomas said reaching out and taking Newt's hand in his and giving it a soft squeeze. Newt thought the proposal over for a moment before nodding slowly in agreement. Thomas nodded back in response with a soft smile gracing his features.

"I had a flashback to the day Janson told all of us that you weren't immune, and how I just felt like my world was falling apart around me. I wanted him to be fucking with us so badly since he hated us so much, but at the same time, somewhere deep I my heart I knew he wasn't. It was in that moment that I came to realize just how much you mean to me. I realized that you meant more to me than just being my best friend, it was then that I realized I would do anything and everything to get a cure for you, no matter what the cost. And then when you started to show signs of infection faster than most , I was so scared.

"But the worst moment and the thing that haunts my nightmares the most, was when you asked me to kill, when you begged me 'Please, Tommy, please.', but I couldn't and then you started to come after me with that knife that you had, and when we collided and the knife was sticking out of your chest, shuck Newt, I though I had killed you because you fell to the ground with no fight left in your eyes. You just laid there unmoving, it killed me more than I thought possible, I just wanted the pain to end which was why I went back to WCKD, I didn't care what happened to me at that point because you wouldn't be there with me anymore. And in my nightmares you aren't here when I wake up here in Safe Haven, and Minho takes me up to where they buried your body and it's all I can do to not go jump off a cliff, just so I can see you again," Thomas was the one sobbing at that point, he never told anyone about his nightmares, or even that he was having them in the first place, because he wanted to be strong for everyone else because they all gone through so much and didn't need to be worrying about his personal problems. He realized how hysterical and ranty he sounded and chuckled softly at himself. Newt stared at him, thinking his boyfriend had officially gone crazy and started checking him over for any signs of infection that he knew he would never find. Newt then started laughing along with Thomas and pressed his lips to the other's temple in a sweet and loving gesture.

"Well we're lucky I have bloody shit aim and missed my heart by a few inches, aren't we?" Newt joked Thomas let out an involuntary snort at that.

"I think you missed on purpose," Thomas said running his fingers through Newt's hair, "So do you want to talk about your dream, or are you still not ready yet?"

"I don't know Tommy, I don't know if I'm ready, but at the same time I want to tell you because I know it will help," Newt crawled off their bed and stretched, revealing a glimpse of his perfect stomach. He limped over over to the door of their shared hut and motioned for Thomas to follow him.

Newt lead them up to the top of the cliffs surrounding Safe Haven and plopped himself down in the grass, looking out at the ocean. Thomas joined Newt on the ground and the two boys sat in silence just enjoying the night air and the sound of the waves crashing into the cliffs below. Neither of them said anything for a good while, both perfectly content to be in the others presence.

Thomas glanced over at his adorable boyfriend and could tell Newt having an internal debate with himself. Thomas didn't say anything, in fear that it would influence Newt's choice of what to do, but instead slid his hand into the one next to his, giving a small squeeze. That was his way of showing the British boy his silent support for whatever he ended up choosing to do. Newt took a deep breath and turned to face Thomas more directly.

"I think I'm ready to talk about it," he finally said another few minutes of silence, "But you have to promise not to interrupt me, I know if I'll be able to get through this in the first place, but I know I won't if you continuously interrupt me, okay?"

Thomas nodded in understanding. He knew that these nightmares had haunted the blond boy ever since they had arrived at Safe Haven and he had been given the cure. That was a month and a half ago, and Newt hadn't talked to anyone, not even Thomas, about his experience and what had he had gone through before getting cured.

"Okay, I guess I'll start the beginning, wouldn't make sense not to. After I heard I wasn't immune I didn't know how much time I would have left and then the disease started to take hold of me and all I could think about was you. How I would never be able to tell you how I felt and hear your response, with out the lingering knowledge that we wouldn't have the time we deserved together. So I wrote this," Newt took his necklace off, opened the capsule, and pulled out a two page letter, "But it's kind of pointless now… As the disease got worse it felt like I was watching someone else control body while I was locked away in my mind. There were times that I was able to break out of the cage and take control, like when I was begging you to kill me, but by that time those moments were becoming fewer and farther apart.

"I fought so hard to stay in control at that time, and you're right, I did miss my heart on purpose, because I knew how much it would break you if you thought you had killed me. I guess it was Brenda who discovered I wasn't dead, just unconscious, after you had run off to give yourself over to WCKD. She must have given me the serum, because even unconscious, I could feel myself regaining my sanity. I'm guessing Minho or Brenda found the cure on you because when I woke up she told ever since they had given me what was in the vial you had , I hadn't shown any signs of the disease trying to take over my body again.

"I didn't believe her at first and tried to run away but my injuries prevented me from getting too far. But when she told how long it had been since she gave it to me and nothing had happened I calmed down a tad bit. That was until I asked you.

"Everybody who was in the room with me got really quiet at that point, no one wanted to be the one who delivered the bad news I guess, and it must have been bad with they started avoiding eye contact. I got angry at their silence and demanded that someone tell me what happened to you. Surprisingly it was Gally who stepped up and told me. I learned you had been shot and nearly died on the way here. I demanded to see you and before anyone could protest Gally had picked me up and had started carrying me to where you were being kept.

"When I asked him why he did it he just told me he knew I was going end up there one way or another so he figured it was just easier to move me there at that point. But when I saw you laying there, not moving and barely breathing, I freaked out. I stumbled over to you and kept trying to get you to wake up, Gally and to threaten to take me away from you unless I calmed down. From that day forward I never left your side until you woke up.

"So that's that, but that isn't what my nightmares consist of. In those you don't me, I kill you because I'm not strong enough to regain control and I watch from the cage in my mind as I watch as the monster that has taken control of me rips into your flesh and tears you apart piece by piece. The worse ones are when Brenda gets to me and forces the serum into me while I'm distracted with tearing you apart, but they save from the Flare, if only for a little bit, But then I have to live with what I did to you and I usually end up killing myself just escape the pain in my heart, or going on without you," Newt's words got quieter and quieter as he recounted his dream, his voice barely above a whisper at the end.

"Newt," Thomas said in a forlorn whisper. Not knowing what else to do he pulled the blond into a tight hug, pouring all of his love for Newt into the embrace. Newt returned the hug with equal vigor and they stayed like that, just hugging and letting the ocean breeze blow over them. Eventually Newt pulled away and let out a deep breath that seemed to release all the tension and internal torment that had been consuming him for the past month or so.

"Thank you Tommy," Newt said.

'For what?" Thomas asked.

"Everything. Being you. Being here for me. Saving me from myself. I don't know what I would do without you. I love you Tommy, you mean everything to me,"

Though both boys knew the other loved them, this was the first time either one of them had said it out loud. Thomas broke out into a huge smile and tackled Newt into the grass, while still being careful of his left leg. Thomas continued smiling and leaned down and pressed his lips to Newt's.

"I love you too, Newtie," Thomas said, just barely pulling away from the kiss.

"Newtie? Really, that's what you're going to call me now?"

"What? Don't you like it?" Thomas asked with a pout. Newt just laughed and pulled the other boy down for another kiss.

"I guess I could used to it if you're the only calling me it, but if I hear Minho say it you are done for," Newt said with a playful growl before flipping them so he was now straddling Thomas. Thomas let out a soft moan to which Newt smirked down at Thomas devilishly.

"Is something the matter Tommy?" Newt asked innocently, though the look in his eyes betrayed the tone of his voice.

"Well I have a very attractive British man sitting on my crotch and being overly coy," Thomas returned with his own smirk. Newt laughed and rolled off Thomas to lay beside him the grass.

"Tommy?" Newt asked.

"Yeah?"

"I never want this moment to end, I love you,"

"I completely agree with you. I love you too, Newtie,"

With that the two boys fell asleep in the grass hands intertwined and a smile on each of their faces, the nightmares did not return.


End file.
